Titties, Breasts, Hooters, Fun Bags, Knockers, Jugs, Boobs, Racks, YOU PICK!

Here a math equation for you folks to ponder:

 

[2 titties x 12 different types] x [2 nipples x 12 different types] = endless eye candy possibilities! 

 

(Exception: 3 nippled ladyfellas)

 

Yes folks, all these ladies you see walkin ‘round got nice surprises hidden under them shirts and blouses.  Why there’s a world of possibilities! 

 

Cow utters:    Well these be hangin’ real low. Big ‘ol droopin’ bags.  The swing left to right, just like mah donkey!  I think the belly button be gettin’ mad that these be in their territory.

Melons:    Big, round, and Delisos.  Much more than a handful, these firm gifts from God make a fella mighty happy.  They gots just the right amount of bounce to ‘em too!

Ice cream Cones: You know that lady singer Madonna?  Well she used to wear these cone thingy’s on top of her jugs.  In real life, some ladyfellas actually have jugs like these! Why, they’re not round at all! They can be real long too!  But I don’t care, I’ll still lick ‘em.

Pancakes:   Well these ain’t stacked like the ones at IHOP folks.  And they ain’t got no butter on ‘em neither.  These be real flat and sometimes not even round.  It look like puberty never finished runnin’ it’s course.  Sorry ladies.

Deflated balloons: These type o’ tities happen when a big ladyfella gits small.  There ain’t nowhere for the extra skin that used to hold the fat to go!  So, they look wrinkly and saggy just like a kiddie balloon after the party.

Orangutan titties: You ever seen them discovery channel shows with them lady fellas in a jungle country?  Well, they have no boulder holders so after a few years of havin’ titties, they don’t exactly hang real low, but they ain’t high. They ain’t round, but they ain’t cones neither. They look kinda like a yellow bananna.  Or, like the kiddie ski slopes on a mountain.

Regular rack:  Medium size, about a handful.  Usually roundish and quite pleasant.  

Stacked: She’s a brick….house.  She’s mighty, mighty…    Well fellas, these be comin’ out the top, the sides, and the bottom.  Ain’t no containin’ these mama jammas.  I likey.  Keep cool fellas.

Visible veins: These look like an old ladies legs.  Lot’s of blue and purple runnin’ through ‘em.  Nah, I don’t know ‘bout you, but these scare me a little and I ain’t ‘fraid to admit it.

Jiggly Jugs: Heavy set lady fellas usually have this type. They be very fat, jiggly, and ploppin’ all around.  They outta control.  Sometimes, it look like there actually four hooters instead of two.

Flappers: Well these don’t make no scientific sense.  They small, but still flappy.  I likey when this kind is on top because I gits to have sex and watch a show.

Granny Boulders: Something happens when a lady fella gits over the age of 70.  It don’t matter if she was an A, B, C, or D, but suddenly they turn into F’s.  And they be takin’ up a new area code!  Why they also get real heavy and make granmamma hunch over tryin’ to carry them sombitches.

 

Nah, while you chew on that, consider all the different types of nipples that can be on them fun bags.  Here you go:

 

Erasers: Well these look exactly like pencil erasers.  Small, square, pink, and hard. Simple.

Not so even, Steven!: Why, sometimes, when you take a second look, you realize these don’t match.  One could be bigger than the other, another color, or ones high and one’s low.  Even the good lord makes a mistake here and there.

Where’s the tit?: This kind took up real estate on the entire tittie.   We call these nitties. 

Quarter Pounder: Nah this one is usually found on the regular rack type jug and it about the size of a quarter.  Basic.  Makes me wanna bite right into it like a juicy burger.

Pink n Perky: Self explanatory folks. Tiny and pink.  Could be strange if it’s on a stacked lady.

Dark n Tan: Yes, it’s a type of beer and it’s also a nipple.  Two of mah favorite things!  You be sure that if these are on top, you’ll find roast beef curtains down below.  Takes the guess work out.

Bumpy Ride: These babies gots lots of ripples and bumps and things.  It’s like readin’ brail in heaven.

Dime Bag:  ‘bout the size of a dime.  I’d smoke these up anyday.

You Gots a Mustache on Yer Nipple? Need I say more?

Invisi-nipple: You can’t tell where the tit ends and the nipple begins.  It’s like a funhouse. Get out the flashlights.

Wrong Way on a One-Way street: Sometimes nipples be pointin’ the wrong way.  Instead of front and center, it’s like they trying to run back in.  Weird.

Pully Cords: Well these be stickin’ out mighty far, like they tryin’ to grab you. Be careful, you might poke yer eye out.

 

And no we didn’t ferget them fake tits, us rednecks like the real deal folks. http://bruthersgizzer.wordpress.com/2009/01/07/fake-titties/

 

Combine these with all the different Vagina types and you’ve got as many blissful findin’s as stars in the sky!

Check it out:

Sexin’ Surprises!  Oh Boy!

1 Response so far »

  1. 1

    nightman1 said,

    This was really, really funny.
    I encountered a pair of deflated balloons one time a long time ago, and on a girl who was just 20.

    She’d been dieting hard in her puberty years.

    Talk about the law of unintended consequences!!


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