Well this here is Dud and he’s a real snooze. He’s pencil pusher dooshbag. He sits behind a desk all day and pushes the push pad and clicks the clicker. Dud likes to talk a whole lot ’bout boring nonsense. Well he walks around the office and calls errone buddy. He aint got no life ’cause he come in early and leave real late. And when he do go out, he go out with the “team.” Whut’s all this pencil pusher team talk? Last I checked, no one was playin’ baseball in the devil hut. They’re just fellow pencil pushers, that’s all they is. Why, they ain’t even really like each other. It’s just that they spend so much time together it’s a like a fake pretend family that you never wanted. When me and mah buddy fix a tractor, we don’t say, “Hey, nice job teammate buddy!” Why? ‘Cause it sounds like we’re homo fags if we say that. Well I just say, “Thanks Chuck.” Well I know why they call err one teammate in the devil hut. They wants you to think you’re all one. If one sucks, err one sucks, so you go yell at someone if they don’t push pencils fast enough. But if you called Chuck, Chuck instead o teammate or buddy, well then he’d just be Chuck. Anyway, Dud giggles in front of his screen and sends boring emails to his buddies ’bout cars and watches and ladyfellas on TV. Why? ’cause Dud and his buddies can’t get no good pussy. Well a redneck lady will ride you like a bull. But those pencil pusher ladies are weak and got veal meat muscles. They tire easily! Why, watchin’ two pencil pushers fuck is like watchin slugs crawl on the side walk. Put some muscle in it folks. Pencil pushers don’t even work up a sweat when they fucking! Who heard of such a thing. If they do get sweaty they say, “Well dang, I’m sweating, this is yucky”. They just backwards folks. That’s all I’m saying.
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And this here is Dud’s manager, Corny. His nose is always buried in the crackberry. I see him walking down the hallway walking into walls and doors cause of it. He think he gettin’ real work done, but he’s really just actin’ like a crackhead fool. He likes to say things like “reach out”, “keep me in the loop”, “be proactive”, “please advise”, “nice job pal”, “let’s escalate this”. Here’s his favorite, “Am I juggling with apples or grenades here?”. Nah I take personal offense to this one because my pappy was in the Korean war and he really did handle grenades. Nah, yer pushin’ pencils, so don’t go comparing it to fucking grenades. If you even saw a grenade you’d probably scream like hyena and shit yer pants you pencil pusher dooshbag. You wouldn’t know what to do with it, let alone juggle the goddamn thing. Shit. Nah, back to the story…. Errday at the end of the night Dud has to give Corny a report. You know whut they call this report?? A DUMP!!! Yes folks, DUMP is a widely used term in pencil pusher land. That alone should tell you that something ain’t right there! Corny be sendin’ Dud emails that say, “Corny, come take yer dump.” HARHAR Sometimes the dumb report is all wrong and you know whut they call that? A Bad Dump!! HARHAR, that make my belly jiggle.
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What Can Ye Learn Frum a Redneck? 