Hey folks! This is Eugene and Earl here, checking back in. Well, the last few weeks have been mighty bumpy, like going off road in a dooshbag volkswagon instead of yer tractor. You may have noticed that we’ve been MIA and here’s why: We been sucked up into a big black pencil pusher hole, kinda like having yer pecker lost up in a bat cave pussy!
Here’s what started it all…One day, big brother called Eugene into one of them BORED rooms. And then dun told him he better stop writing about pussy on Big Brothers watch and that they’d be watching even closer now! Well that just sent us on a downward spiral real bad like. Well the only joy we had during the day was talkin’ to you folks about tits and pussy! Now since we couldn’t write at work, we were stuck doing pencil pushin’ all day, err day. We dun landed in a black hole of depression and despair. Earl went up in the tree almost err night with his whiskey and tried to drink his misery away. Why, it wasn’t even fun anymore. Eugene would just crack a big bottle of moonshine over his head errday he got home to knock himself out. That went on for a while, and then it turned from bad to worse. Yes sir, we hit rock bottom. One morning, Earl woke up and was sitting in bed trying to will himself to get up, when he felt a mighty big fart coming on. This made him happy because Earl likes to let a good one rip every now and then. So, he was petting his critter and he just let it fly. Well then he felt something warm and wet in his pants. Something did not go right. He dun sh!t his pants!! Well then Earl panicked and screamed for his wifey, yelling “Woman, Woman! I dun shit myself!! This job is takin’ everything away from me! I can’t even control my own bodily functions anymore!! This damn job has dun turned me into a baby old man farm animal. Why I should be sleeping in the barn with a diaper on!”. Meanwhile, Eugene would come home from the pencil hut, grumbling and huffing and puffin’, and barking at his wifey and buzzards. Soon as he sit on his keister, he would fall into a deep disturbed nightmarish slumber. He was dreamin’ ‘bout his pencil pusher bossman waving his donkey in his face, and that his own donkey dun turned into a mangina! Why, pencil pushin’ made him a nasty narcoleptic! This is from severe boredom and lack of good old sunlight folks! Since he was sleeping all the time his donkey forgot how to work and he wasn’t letting Lucinda ride it no more. If this keep up, she’ll be out in the field ridin’ the bull and god knows whut else instead of Eugene! Well darn, the redneck rebel deep down in our bones ain’t gonna let no pale pencil pusher keep us from writing about titties, sex, or vagina. No way, no how! So, this here is for Big Brother who’s probably watching right now…. We likes us some good ol’ fuckin, pussies, titties, dick suckin’ blow jobs, rim jobs, salad tossin’, tea baggin’, and strap on lesbian sexin’!! That’s right.
What Can Ye Learn Frum a Redneck? 