My wife Lucinda is the purtiest lady I ever saw. She real smart too. She sure does know how to pinch a penny and stretch a dollar. Why, she take my wallet right out my pants pocket when I git home from work. Heck, if it were up to me, I’d spend it on a cold beer. We got 2 kids too, Larry and Buddy. And when they do sumthin stupid she says she says, hey, hey, git over here you little buzzard. and she smack them in the head. and when they run around the house like wild indians she says, bad boys, I will wrastle you down just like Uncle Earl’s cuzin Luke does to gators, only worse. and i just cant help it, I laugh so hard. and she goes damn Eugene, shut the hell up it aint funny. but its so dang funny to me. But she right, they gotta learn to think and do. Runnin like wild indians is just doin and doin. Sometime the boys git so mad when momma says stop horsin around, and Buddy hold his breathe till his face turn as red as my pick up. and I say dang Buddy, that makes no sense, why you do that? its just crazy. I say cuzin luke tell me even gators aint that crazy. And wooooooo wheeeeee, that woman sure can bake an apple pie. Sometime she sing when she cook, and I like it, but then I go dang woman stop singin and just give me some pie. Eugene get cranky when he hungry. While she bakin I throw a deer right in my grill outside, and we sit outside with Vern, Earl, Cusin Luke, Cherry, and their wives too. And it sure feels like heaven. A deer in the grill, fire, friends, pie, gator stories. Oh yea. this is what life is about. Sometimes Luke’s wife brings over fish and squirrill. I don’t know where she git it, but it sure is fresh and yummy. Luke said its the most delisos thing he ever had, and he right. When we done eatin Earl rub his belly, and he sure can throw back the beer. One time he had a whole 24 to himself and didn’t even stumble. He like to rub his belly so much, he even cut a hole in his overall so his belly can breathe. Once Vern said, hey, where’d you get that big ass grill that holds a whole damn deer, I chucked to myself and I says I’ll tell you whut, I didn’t get it at the Walmart. Then when Vern done eatin he say, well sh!t on a sh!tter, put a fork in me and I am done. Sometime when Vern & his wife git drunk she start talkin about swingin her saloon doors. I have no idea whut that mean but it sure does sound kinky. Then us men light up a ci-gar and tell stories by the fire. Who needs diamonds and mercedes when you got some crazy sombitch friends that make you laugh so hard that your belly hurt.
Lucinda n Buddy:
Source:http://guanabee.com/2007/08/beyond-the-barrio-redneck-way-of-life-threatened-in-east-texas
Earl (in his finest drinkin’ eatin’ overalls):
Source:http://www.break.com/pictures/redneck-suspenders522682.html
Eugene in his younger years (still gots that pickup though!):
Source:http://www.cs.toronto.edu/~tomhart/images/redneck.jpg
Hot cart:
Ye can fit a whole darn deer in that sombitch!
Source: http://www.ratemyeverything.net/image/685/0/Redneck_Camping_Grill.ashx
What Can Ye Learn Frum a Redneck? 
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