What Can Ye Learn Frum a Redneck?

            Once upon a time, there were three hard workin red neck fellas who ended up pencil pushin. How would three warm blooded American men end up pencil pushin you ask?  Well here’s the story of how three healthy young brothers – Earl, Eugene, and Vern, went from sweat makin honest work to sittin behind a desk on their keister pushin the push pad and clickin’ the clicker all day. Earl was a builder. He built mainly barns but could build anything you could think of – benches, cribs, shelves, and tables. Why, he even answered his phone “Earl here, whut needs buildin.” He became known as “Can Do” Earl in the contracting industry cuz if you think it he could build it. Why, he himself was built like a brick shit house with a donkey down to his knee!  Eugene was the best vermin hunter in the country south, take after his daddy Elmer!  He had a sniffer so keen he could sniff vermin from miles away. Sometimes folks would call him and he would already be knockin on their door, cuz he smelt the vermin!  Vern was a proud chiney farmer (mama slept with a Chinese farmer one day behind daddy’s back and out came Vern!). He had a big smile though he was missin some teet. He got up at the crack o dawn err mornin to plow the farm wit his tractor, milk the cows, and feed the piggies. That sho did make him happy.   These three brothers earned honest livin, had nice pie bakin women, and lots a critters runnin around. The would drink moonshine and sing and light fires err night all together.  But slowly the economy got worse n worse. These corporate pencil pushers were makin bets n promises wit nuthin to back it up. They were just playin wit people’s money … like it was one big jokie. They traded houses on paper and gave loans to people who couldn’t afford them. Then the whole finance world crumbled and the economy went into a recession! Milk went up to $8 a gallon in some places! Then people stopped buildin houses n barns cuz they couldn’t git the loan to pay for them! So they didn’t wanna build nuthin fer their barn cuz they had no money left! Then people couldnt afford vermin hunters neither! Why, their house wasn’t worth anything no more, and they couldnt pay for it, who cares if termites eat the wood they said!  Nah an honest redneck don’t send his woman to work,. Who else gonna teach them kiddies right from wrong, and cook fer a hungry hard workin man? Aint no stranger tuckin a redneck’s kid in at night! No way no how!  So Vern, Earl, and Eugene knew they had to do sumthin. They started lookin for extra work. But all they could find was jobs at the local newspaper, because all people wanted to do was read articles about how bad the economy was! These three honest fellas had no choice but to sit behind a desk all day pushin a push pad and clickin a clicker. Fore you knew it they got pale and was losing their healthy redneck muscles and went into a depression. All they could do was reminisce and sing songs and write poems about their misery. But how long would the recession last? How long would they be torn away from the work the love? In the meantime … they sho did learn a lot about life …..