Well hi there. Today I want to talk about something that happens to all us folks at one time or another. If you’re a man who loves the ladies, I bet that you’ve been pussy whipped at least once in your life. Nah, what are the symptoms of being pussy whipped you may ask. Well, the first sign is if she says “jump” and you say “how high, honey?”. HARHAR. You get the idea. Another sign; you get real scared when she’s mad at you. It don’t matter that she’s five foot two and one hundred pounds. That shedevil scur the wits out ya. You find yerself doing things for this woman that you won’t even do for yer granmammie. Plunging toilets, fixing pipes, and girl talkin’ with her family. You might find yerself watching chick flicks and doing whut she likes to do that you almost forgit what you like! You may say to yerself one day, “Dang, I haven’t shot me a gofer in a long while!” Nah, the opposite of being pussy whipped is being Dickmatized, or as us rednecks like to call it, Donkyatized. Well it don’t have to be the best dick in the world, but when a lady is dickmatized, a lady think you’re her knight in shining armor. Like she rumpunzel and you’re her prince climbing up her hair. She’ll cook for you, rub yer back, and even clip yer toenails. Well, even if you an ugly sombitch, you look mighty handsome to her. It’s crazy folks. People who have one of these conditions see the world though one of them funny funhouse mirrors. Everything looks different to you than how it really is. The world is all roses and pie. Nah here’s where it get hairy. If you have two lesbian ladyfella’s, are they both pussy whipped? Or is the manlady pussy whipped and the lady lady dickmatized? Well, since the man lady wears a strap on, I say the lady lady is strapmatized! yessiree. Well how bout the gays? I say the man man is buttmatized and the lady man is dickmatized. That make sense folks? HARHAR
Posts tagged dick
Strap Ons and all that Jazz
Howdy folks. It’s been a few days since I wrote here and in that time I came across some things that are mighty interesting and confusing. They got mah brains going. Let’s start with whut they call a strap on. Well, the “manlady” in a lesbian relationship can put a contraption on her hips that is a fake cock and balls. Some of ‘em don’t even have balls. Some of these dick fuck simulators even got vibrating pussy lickers attached right on them! Well that makes me a little nervous, cause although I can fuck a lady real real good, there ain’t no way I can lick her pussy at the same time. And these crazy mama jamma’s come in all kinds of colors, like the rainbow. HARHAR. Red, Pink, Purple, Blue, Glass, and even skin color… how ‘bout that. Harharhar. It’s like you can fuck ten different people but it ain’t cheatin!. I kind of like that. So in my curiosity I rented some of them porno movies with ladyfellas wearing the strapped on donkeys. I’m embarrassed to admit that I got a little excited because I’m not sure why I got excited. I hope the two lady fellas together that did it. Nah, the lady in the lesbian relationship, is always on the receiving line of things. This just like in real life. Anyway, mah point is, these ladyfellas have a lot more options it seems than us straight folk. We just have a regular old cock and balls. I don’t got no magical clit licker or butterfly attachment and my wifey can’t swap out her vagina for another one either! I’m jealous.
Whut Kind of Donkey do You Have??
Hey folks. Me and mah bruther were doin’ some thinkin’ about donkey’s. Do you know whut a donkey is? Well, I’ll tell ya.
Pick yer favorite:
Dick
Penis
Cock
Ding Dong
Member
Prick
Johnson
One eyed willy
You git the point. Well us rednecks call our dick a donkey because it’s just as big as a donkey dick. You might be saying to yerselves, “How are you gonna say that rednecks got bigger donkey’s than errone else?” Nah, I don’t know about other rednecks, but my family got some big ‘ol donkeys! And since you folks like to jokie that we be sexin’ with our own kin, why then, wouldn’t it make sense that the big donkey gene gets passed down. HARHAR. Just like vagina, there are lots of different types of donkey. Now, don’t get tight and go saying’ I’m one of dem homosexuals, but we all been in a locker room or two.
Here’s the list:
Donkey Dick: This be a big ‘ol somb!tch, real thick and real long. The ladies love this one. And I gots to say, I feel mighty happy to have one of these. Why, it be slappin’ against my leg whin I walk and that’s just fine with me. I can even make it do a little jig if I want by jumpin’ up and down.
Elephant Trunk: Nah, my momma believes in an easily cleaned donkey. She had three little buzzard boys and she sure as hell wasn’t gonna be cleanin’ all up inside three big donkey hoods errday, so she had the whitecoat cut that part off our ding dongs. Now as far as the trunk part goes, that explains itself.
Throbbin’ Veins (aka Frankencock): This type of member is covered in bulgin’ purply veins. It lookie like if you not careful, it just gonna explode. Ribbed for her pleasure. Simple.
Pencil Prick: Nah, I’m not trying to say that all you pencil pushers have pencil dicks, so don’t git tight, but this one is skinny like a pencil. Better find a chiney lady with the vice grips pussy fellas.
Average Willy: Here it is folks. Real simple. About 6 inches long and 1 and ½ inches ‘round. Ain’t nuthin’ special or nuthin’ too wrong ‘bout it. Need I say more?
Pointin’ due West: When this type’s at attention it points straight to the left. Make you lookie left to see whut’s over thur. Whin a lady fella git on top, she got to lean to the side to get on and straighten it out. This one’s tricky ladies.
Veal Meat Penis: My great granpappy Wilbur has one of these. It just lay thur like a piece of mushy veal no matter whut you do. Why, Pamela Anderson could be right in front of you and the darn thing just won’t budge. Some fellas with this type go to see the white coats and they give ‘em the blue pills (pencil pushers call these Viagra). Nah, I’ve been hearing that them pills make a donkey stand up for hours. Combine this with a dry old pussy and you gots some trouble. Better git some of that sex oil grannies. This a sad story.
Jiffy Cock: Similar to the popcorn type, this kind of ding dong goes off in about 60 seconds. Why sometimes you barely even got a touch it. Nah, I’m not too proud to admit that this maybe happened to me when I was ‘bout 15 years old, but now my wifey can play with my donkey for hours on end. If you gots a jiffy cock, better put in some practice. Try jerkin’ yer own chain before testin’ on a live ladyfella. No one needs that.
Short ‘n Stocky: Why, this one is as long as it is wide. And the balls be hanging lower than the actual cock. Even whin it wake up there ain’t much difference. It is whut it is.
So folks, do YER donkey hang low??
Don’t be embarrased ladies, tell us whut yer workin’ with!
What Can Ye Learn Frum a Redneck? 
