Archive for Crazy Family

Chip N’ Dip

March 31, 2009 · Filed under Crazy Family · Tagged , , ,

Why hello there. Nah, crazy cousin Dip, his brother name is Chip. You might ask why would two parents name their kids Chip n’ Dip? Well, they was two fat hongry sombitches, that’s why. HAHARHAR. Bertha, and Georgey. In town we call em “Big Bertha and Georgy Gorgy.” Match made in heaven that’s fer sho’. Georgey gots a brother named Chuck but strange nuff, he ain’t fat. Chuck is a lean mean tractor fixin’ machine. HARHAR.  He gots big bulgin’ muscles and he make sweat all day layin’ under tracter hoods. That Chuck well he can fix anything. Big Bertha makes cup cakes n sells ’em in town. Georgey is a plumber. I thinky thats where the term “plumber crack came from”. Well that fat pipe fixer always got his butt cheek crack hangin’ out. Chip is a dumb fool and he’s only got 2 front teeth. Well the others just never grew in.  Poor Dip had all his teeth knocked out so wear them dentures that be flyin’ out. This motley crew likes to travel round the south goin’ to the county fairs and the redneck olympics. I bet you ain’t shocked to find out that Georgey Gorgy does the hot dog eatin’ contest. Ya’ll already know dip does the lip touchin’ nose tricks and sings his ditty, “dippity doo daaa.” Big Bertha does the pie eatin’ contest. Only woman heavyweight to win 2 “quickie” pie ovens. She also got the biggest camel toe you ever did see!  And it always look like it’s about to bust right out of those pants.  She can’t buy pants big enough for it.  Well Chip only knows how to say ’bout 3 words and pretends to know all the others. He just makes some crazy sounds. Most folks just smile and pretend they know what he sayin.’ Chip just cheers on the rest of the family, he aint smart ‘nuff to do no tricks on his own. Nah sometimes Chuck goes but he likes to stay outta this mess. When they invite him he say, “Chuck here don’t play.” Thats what he tells errone in town too. And he’s a scary fella. But when he does go to the fairs, his event is bustin’ wood wit his forehead. Ain’t no wood he can’t bust up. And he just pluck the splinters right on out his forehead. Mr. Meeyogie aint got nothin’ on this muscley redneck! How do ya like them apples !?

 

 

Georgey:

 

 georgy1

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 Image Source: http://www.dba-oracle.com/images/fat_moore.jpg

Big Bertha:

bertha

 

 

 

 

 

Image Source: 

http://images.google.com/images?gbv=2&hl=en&q=toothless+redneck&sa=N&start=40&ndsp=20          

 

Chip on the left, Dip on the right:

 

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 Image Source:

http://images.google.com/images?gbv=2&hl=en&q=toothless+redneck&sa=N&start=40&ndsp=20        

   

“I don’t play” Chuck:

chuck

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

   

 

 

 

Image Source: 

http://www.redneckbear.net/product_info.php?products_id=6

Hey folks, if you need a refresher on Cousin’ Dip, check this out…   https://bruthersgizzer.wordpress.com/2009/02/24/oh-dip/

 

 

 

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OH DIP!

February 24, 2009 · Filed under Crazy Family · Tagged , ,

Cousin Dip is one crazy redneck sombitch. He was born makin’ that face and it just never went away. He huffs n’ puffs and snarls and makes lots a weird noises out his nose.  His mustache turnin’ yellow ’cause he smokes too much cigars. He gots them dentures ’cause he got his teet knocked out in a fight. Sometimes when he get drunk at the tavern he click ’em in and out of his gums. If he real stewed, them dentures come flyin’ out his mouth and land straight on the bar! Once it landed right in a lady fella’s drink! She sho did gag a little. Well he just plucked them fake teeth right out the drink and plopped ’em right back on his gums and chuckled. He stands ’bout 5 foot tall and he got a real hard chest. He likes to beat on it and sing crazy songs. He sing, “Dip iddy doo daa diippidyy dayy. My name is Dip come and make mahh day.” He travels ’round the country south competin’ in the redneck olymics. Bellyfloppin’ in the mud, tossin’ terlet seats and guzzling beer are his main events. He’s famous for touchin’ his lips to his nose. Makes him sweat real bad. After he’s done he goes, WOOO HHAAAAA DIPPPPIDY DOOOOOO. 

 

 

images-cuz

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Image Source: http://daylife.com/photo/015We6p9536Me

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Family Story

February 10, 2009 · Filed under Crazy Family · Tagged , ,

One day Eugene was feelin’ depressed at the pencil hut and he felt like he was sayin’ crazy bad things because he was goin’ nuts, so Earl gave him this nugget o’ advice about pencil pushers:

 

Well listen. Them pusher’s already know you a crazy sombitch right?  So, if yer lips are a flappin’ and flappin’ and you sayin’ crazy bad things it really ain’t gonna be a surprise.  If you real worried ‘bout it though, just make it a song.  Say whutever yer flappin’ bad about in a song and dance.  That’ll make it less harsh on their vealy ears.

 

So Eugene thought to himself, well Earl is right, and here is why. Uncle Hector Bilfier the Third, had a veal makin farm …and he usta sing to them sombitches to calm them down in thurr cages.  Poor sombitches. Will never know life outside a cage. Nah, Hector was pappy Elmer Gizzer’s brother. And Elmer was the bestest vermin hunter that ever live. One day Elmer wuz drunk on 2 jugs a moonshine an he wint on a shootin spree on the veal makin farm. Said they were vermin pencil pushers in disguise and smelled rotten meat. Shot em all. Put em outta thurr misery he said. Nah thats whurr Eugene git his vermin huntin skills. And thats whurr Buddy git his middle name – Buddy Bilfier the fourth.  Why, sometime whin Lucinda mad at Buddy, she scream  “OOOHHHHHH BUDDY BILLLLFFIIIIERRRRR THE FOURTH! YOU GIT YER KEESTER HERE NAH!!!!!!! And it make Eugene chuckle till his belly hurt.

 

Then there wuz a third brother, Oneil “Bruiser,” and he wuz a barn builder. Good thing, cuz he built a whole new barn fer Hector’s new farm. Nah Earl, thats whurr he git his barn buildin skills, and his fightin skills. “Bruiser” was the scurriest sombitch in town. Why, he wind up one punch it’ll turn them lights in yer brain right OFF.

 

Why, Hector Bilfer had to sell the farm and by a herd a cow fer milk n cheese makin, it made him sad. And thats how we git so fat …from eatin cheese from that sombitches farm. Why, thats how come Abby’s pie’s are so good. She use that milk straight from Hector’s farm. I thinks Abby shud sell her pies so Earl can quit pencil pushin and build some barns. This make Eugene real sad.  

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Cousin Luke

January 12, 2009 · Filed under Crazy Family · Tagged

Now that there is my cousin Luke.  He wrangles alligators for a living and that sure does work up a sweat on his brow.  He goes to the green pond, sees one of those dang gators and says I’m gonna wrestle me that sumab!tch and that’s what he does. He just jumps on that sombitches back and rolls all around that there pond.  After he done does that he goes home where his woman cooks up whatever fish got stuck in his overalls.  If it’s a good darn day, he also fetches up some road kill to slap there on the grill.  She says ‘Luke’, I’m gonna cook up that squirrel you got stuck on your tractor tire and that’s what she does. And it is DELISOS. 

 

 

 

Source:  Above is the image at: hillbilly_cuz_luke.tripod.com/

 

 

Source:  Above is the image at: hubpages.com/hub/hillbillymama

Source: Above is the image at: hillbilly-willy.blogspot.com/2007/05/chipotle…

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